My Monthly Release

August 25, 2016

As I mentioned in my previous post, Ms Lee has been kind enough to allow me to release once per month at a time of my choosing. She granted me this generous gift because I have been under so much stress lately and she thought a monthly release would help. I continually remind myself that I must be very thankful to Ms Lee and not assume this will continue forever. Ms Lee seems to enjoy keeping me in chastity for multiple months at a time so I will treasure these monthly releases for as long as it suits Ms Lee’s whim to allow them.

She did however stipulate one condition with my most recent release. She told me to film my masturbation session and post it here on my blog. I find this exceedingly embarrassing and humiliating but I suspect that just pleases Ms Lee all the more. So I must thank Ms Lee for providing me this opportunity to please (or at least amuse) her. Here is the video of my release:

Release

Another break

August 4, 2016

It has been over three months since my last posting and I must apologize to Ms Lee and my readers for neglecting this blog. As will occasionally happen in my overly busy life I was unable to keep up with all the demands that were put upon me and had to work myself ragged just to make sure nothing critical fell apart. It finally looks like I am getting a handle on everything but you never know what might happen next.

I have to thank Ms Lee with all my heart for being so understanding during this period (as well as previous ones). She has generously allowed me time to deal with my issues and gave me a chance to catch up with everything. I don’t know how I could have managed without her support. However I feel guilty for not keeping up with my blog as well as other expectations I should have been more responsible about. All I can do is try harder to meet my responsibilities and hope that Ms Lee will forgive me.

Back in June Ms Lee also generously told me that I would be allowed to masturbate freely once a month on a day of my choosing. She also has not required me to wear my chastity sleeve on a daily basis. This has really helped to reduce my stress levels but I am well aware that I cannot expect this excessive level of freedom to continue forever.

A couple of weeks ago I decided to take advantage of Ms Lee’s generous offer for the month of July. I had held out as long as I could and I was incredibly horny and frustrated by then. I had begun to frequently find myself thinking about my purple babydoll nightie that I keep in the back of my closet. When I purchased it Ms Lee told me that I should wear it every time I was allowed a release. I told Ms Lee I wanted to wear my babydoll nightie when I released and I also asked her if I could plug myself with my anal plug. I wanted to try to stretch out my enjoyment and try to avoid coming in less than a minutes as I all too frequently do. Ms Lee was generous once again and gave me permission to do so.

Once I was properly plugged and dressed in my babydoll nightie I began stroking my penis. I was rock hard in no time and worried that I might release all too soon as usual. So I slowed down and tried to control myself. Before long I found myself thinking about serving Ms Lee as her formal butler. I long ago ceased having normal male masturbation fantasies. Mine now revolve around my pretty lingerie and serving Ms Lee. For some reason the idea of serving Ms Lee as a formal English butler gives me an incredible submissive rush. I used to fantasize about serving Ms Lee as a sissy french maid but she made it clear that she preferred to be served by an English butler. She does not cater to my pigmale fantasies and I have dedicated myself to learning how to be the best possible English butler so that I can properly please and serve Ms Lee.

But I digress. As I thought about serving as an English Butler I stopped stroking myself and began moving my plug in and out of my greedy rear. I would pull it almost all of the way out and then ram it all the way in. I continued in this fashion until I could no longer keep my hands off Ms Lee’s property. I began stroking myself again but stopped every time I came too close to releasing. I actually managed to stretch out my play time to a full 15 minutes, far longer than I have managed in years. I’m not quite sure what to make of that, but it was quite enjoyable.

I released quite a large load which I then dutifully licked up. I then put everything away, thankful that Ms Lee is so understanding and generous. Sometimes I forget how fortunate I am to be Ms Lee’s property.

 

My role in the pleasure of Ms Lee

April 16, 2016

Since she has taken me as her property I have been faithfully devoted to the pleasure of Ms Lee. I always keep my focus on pleasing her and satisfying her desires in any way I can. However recently I have been adjusting to the reality that Ms Lee has multiple lovers and submissives who pleases her sexually. As a result I have been struggling to understand how best I can please her – what role do I play, how do I best enhance her pleasure and satisfaction?

Ms Lee has made it clear that regardless of her other relationships she intends to keep me as her property and that my primary role will be to serve as her butler. This had also disturbed me as I discussed previously because I have had fantasies of serving as Ms Lee’s sissy maid. But Ms Lee does not pander to my pigmale fantasies and I now understand that dressing and acting as a sissy maid would only distract me from my primary purpose which is to please Ms Lee. I have now embraced the idea of being Ms Lee’s full time, live-in butler which is how I can best achieve my destiny as a service oriented submissive devoted to the pleasure of Ms Lee.

It is apparent that Ms Lee has a voracious appetite for pleasure, more than any one man could possibly satisfy. As a sexually hungry woman she has multiple men in her life. In addition to other lovers and boyfriends she has recently taken on a very talented lover who sexually pleases her perhaps better than any other man before. Naturally there is a role for real men to please her sexually. But it is clear that Ms Lee also has a need to own a male servant in every way – heart, mind and body. My goal and destiny is to be her devoted male servant. My heart is devoted to her pleasure in every way, happily sacrificing my own pleasure in order to enhance hers. My mind is devoted to learning the skills necessary to serve her properly and constantly thinking of ways to please and satisfy her. And my body is devoted to her pleasure also. Every day I wear my tight chastity sleeve which severely restricts any attempts to enjoy an erection. I also wear panties on a daily basis, which torments me with a mix of embarrassment and teasing frustration. And when it suits Ms Lee’s whim I may be required to wear my anal plug or subjected to physical punishment if warranted. I am thankful that she has given me the opportunity to be her male servant, devoted solely to her pleasure and nothing else.

While I am thrilled that Ms Lee is enjoying fantastic sex with her lover I have been wondering what role I might play in sexually pleasing and satisfying her. Of course when it comes to sexually pleasing Ms Lee there has never been any doubt that my own inadequate penis would be incapable of properly pleasing her. That is assuming I was attempting to sexually please her like a real man. Instead perhaps it is more appropriate that my penis pleases her in the only manner it is capable of – by remaining in faithful chastity, frustrated and forbidden to enjoy the sexual pleasure a real man enjoys at will. I am thrilled that in this unique way my penis can contribute to the pleasure of Ms Lee. While she obviously enjoys being pleasured sexually by real men, allowing them and their superior cocks to enjoy sex with her,  it is also clear that she appreciates having a male’s penis under her firm control, denied and frustrated while she freely enjoys all the sexual pleasure she deserves. I understand that it pleases Ms Lee to have my male sex suppressed or perhaps completely eradicated and I embrace this as my destiny since my only desire is to please her.

While my penis will probably play no role in pleasing Ms Lee (other than remaining in faithful chastity) there may be other ways I can sexually please Ms Lee. Perhaps rimming her is a role I could fill, assuming that she is not fully satisfied in that way by her lover or other real men. I would relish being the one who was devoted to pleasing her in that manner. It is also quite possible that occasionally it might please Ms Lee to have me orally please her pussy. I suspect she would enjoy experiencing multiple orgasms while I was firmly chastised, my frustration driving me to pleasure her to the utmost of my ability.

 I would also hope that Ms Lee would allow me to frequently pleasure and worship her lovely feet. Making love to her feet is another appropriate role that I could fulfill. I would hope that after treating Ms Lee to a professional quality foot massage and pedicure that on occasion she might allow me to worship her lovely feet as my reward for excellent service. Of course I am clear that such a privilege would only be an occasional reward granted if it suits her whim, I am certainly not automatically entitled to anything, no matter how hard I toil for her pleasure.

Since Ms Lee’s pleasure is my primary goal and purpose I am appropriately thrilled that she is being sexually pleasured by the real men in her life. Recently she informed me that she spent the day of my birthday being sexually pleasured and f**ked by her skillful lover. I have to admit that hearing that overwhelmed me with waves of submissive feelings – I was happy she was being pleasured and I was frustrated that I remained in faithful chastity while she and her lover were enjoying the sexual pleasure I willingly forego in order to please her. I told her that I sincerely hoped her pleasure was enhanced knowing that while she was being f**ked I was in chastity to suit her whim. I also told her that I hoped her lover’s pleasure was enhanced as he appreciated her new haircut which I had paid for (she looks so beautiful with her new hair style!).  It occurs to me that I should do whatever I can to enhance her lover’s pleasure when he is with her – because that in turn will enhance her pleasure.

I am sure I will continue to struggle as I adapt to the reality that Ms Lee is being well pleasured, both sexually and emotionally, by her lover and other real men. I am grateful that she desires to keep me as her property and I know all will be well as long as I continue to focus on nothing but her pleasure, avoiding the distractions that worrying about myself would cause.

Proper Tea Service Layout

March 20, 2016

As part of my continuing education program I have continued my studies of proper tea service. One of the most important aspects of tea service is the proper tea service layout. The proper layout for tea service depends on the type of tea party being served (afternoon, high, low, etc.), the number of people attending and the level of formality. If the tea party just involved a few friends getting together informally the layout would be equally informal. But the tea parties I will be serving will mostly be very formal and I will be expected to observe the highest possible level of standards and protocol. For purposes of this discussion I will assume that we are dealing with a formal afternoon tea party being attended by about a half dozen women. Remember that a high tea party is one that includes dinner being served while an afternoon tea party is focused on the tea service but does include food items such as tasty pastries and dainty sandwiches.

Even the proper type of table being used for the tea party varies depending on the type of party and formality, but I think a round table would be most appropriate for an afternoon tea party with half a dozen guests. It would make it easier for them to interact with each other and enable me to serve them quickly and unobtrusively, being able to quickly move around the table as I wait on everyone. I suspect that I would be very busy scrambling to observe all the formalities and making sure that I provided every one of Ms Lee’s friends with flawless service that she could be proud of. I would want her friends to know that I was a highly trained servant dedicated to her in every way.

I have included a diagram of a formal tea service layout for an afternoon tea. Again, things vary depending on circumstances, but the diagram provides an idea of the general layout and describes the pieces. A plate for food items is placed in the center of the individual settings with the tea cup and saucer to the right. The napkin is placed to the left and the silverware is arranged according to strict rules of etiquette as shown in the diagram. A water glass will be placed on the right behind the tea cup and a dessert plate goes on the left behind the napkin setting. I have also included a photo of a properly laid out tea service so it can be seen just how ornate and attractive a well executed tea service can be.

In addition to the individual place settings, there is a formal tea service tray as well as platters for food, etc that will be placed about the table. There are formalities for how this is done depending on the shape of the table, but for round tables these items are best placed in the center. The tea service tray will have placed on it the tea pot, a pitcher for hot water, a sugar bowl, a creamer for milk and a plate for lemon slices.

There is also a whole world of formalities and etiquette regarding the preparation of the tea itself and all the related items. I will save that for a separate discussion in order to give it the proper focus. I still have a lot yet to learn regarding all this, it is mind boggling just how complex and detailed proper tea service can be. I am determined to become a well practiced expert at serving tea parties because I know how important this is to Ms Lee.

A Recurring Fantasy

March 1, 2016

I am currently beginning my third month in chastity for the pleasure of Ms Lee. My record is over three months so it is quite possible that my chastity will continue for a considerable time yet. I have never mentioned this to Ms Lee, but when I reach these extended times in chastity I begin to dwell on a recurring fantasy that I believe is related to the frustration I am experiencing due to knowing that Ms Lee could very well keep me in chastity for a lengthy and unknown period of time.

This fantasy found its origins in my curiosity about just how long Ms Lee might eventually expect me to remain in chastity for her. When we first began experimenting with me being in chastity the periods were rather short, just a few weeks or so. Over time the length of my chastity periods grew steadily, eventually exceeding an entire month. At that point I has thought she had achieved her objective and would be satisfied with me enduring an entire lunar cycle (or a woman’s cycle?) before I was allowed to enjoy a pigmale’s release.

Of course I was wrong. Ms Lee continued to up the ante and soon had me reach the impressive milestone of 40 days in chastity. However, while I was impressed with 40 days of chastity Ms Lee did not seem to be impressed in the least. She continued to increase the length of my chastity periods until I reached the unbelievable goal of 2 entire months in chastity for her pleasure. Even that did not seem to satisfy her and next I reached an entire quarter of a year, three months of unrelenting chastity! Once again this did not seem to quench Ms Lee’s thirst for seeing me endure strict and frustrating chastity sessions of ever longer periods and she continues to push me to endure longer and more challenging periods of chastity for her pleasure.

As my periods of chastity grew longer Ms Lee began having me attempt to achieve a release by anal stimulation alone. I have experimented quite a bit with anal play as I attempted to meet her expectation that I achieve a release without the use of my pigmale penis. At times I have come close, but I have not yet accomplished this for her. I know it will happen one day, particularly as I become so mindlessly desperate for release after months in chastity.

As I contemplated the likely reality that one day I will be capable of releasing without the use of my penis I began to wonder what Ms Lee’s intentions would be at that point. Would she see any point in ever allowing me a release with penile stimulation again? I suspected that she would occasionally allow this just so she could keep me off balance, never knowing when I might be allowed to play with her property. I also suspected that those opportunities would become more and more rare, as I know it would please her much more to have me only experience ‘hands off’ releases as a result of anal stimulation.

But what if she decided to cut me off permanently from penile stimulation? With the plethora of chastity devices available I have no doubt that one could be found that could be worn indefinitely. I have heard of some chastity devices that are attached via piercings in the penis and I have read stories where these piercings have been made permanent. Would Ms Lee ever subject me to such a fate? I’m not sure, but I have to admit that when my chastity periods begin to be counted in months I find myself fantasizing about this possibility.

I was hesitant to post this because I know that Ms Lee does not pander to my fantasies. I always have to remember that our unique relationship is based solely on her pleasure and my sacrifices towards that end. However, she has also made it clear that I should always let her know what I am thinking about and feeling so I thought it was important to express my thoughts about this. I doubt that she will reveal her eventual plans for me and I suppose that only time will tell. In the meantime I need to cease obsessing about this possibility and stay focused on what is important, the pleasure of Ms Lee.

 

 

Ms Lee relieves my frustration

February 20, 2016

Ms Lee still has not allowed me a release this year and my frustration has been getting worse by the day. I hesitate to mention my frustration to her because I don’t want to sound like I am begging for relief. I know she enjoys having me endure lengthy periods of chastity and as I mentioned in my previous blog entry I consider my chastity to be a gift that I offer to her. However this does not make my frustration any easier to bear and since Ms Lee always wants to know how I am feeling I have told her of my mounting frustration on occasion (she has also told me that she finds my reports of frustration to be entertaining).

Recently Ms Lee responded to one of my reports of desperate frustration and told me that it was a shame that I was struggling so much with my frustration. When I read those first few words in her response I thought that she might be about to grant me a rare release. My brief hope was quickly smashed as I read her next sentence asking me if I needed her to have me beat my unruly penis into submission so it would no longer distract me. I swear I could hear her chuckling as she finished by saying that she would be only too happy to do so.

I faced a new struggle as I considered my response to her question. I have punished my penis for her in the past and found it quite painful. However I am ashamed to admit that I found the pain perversely exciting. I know that Ms Lee does not pander to such pigmale perversions of mine but I also suspected that she would greatly enjoy seeing my penis punished for being so greedy. So I told her I would certainly punish my penis if that would please her and I was relieved when she then told me that she would not require me to inflict visible bruises.

I decided to video tape the punishment of my penis for the entertainment of Ms Lee and wound up creating three short videos. Here is a link to the video I created of my initial punishment:

Initial punishment of my unruly penis

My poor penis was already stinging by the time I finished my initial punishment but I was concerned there may have been too much shaking as I held my phone to take the video so I decided to create a second video:

More punishment for my unruly penis

My beaten penis was really hurting at this point as the repeated smacks of the wooden ruler were taking a serious toll. However I still wasn’t certain that I had managed to create an acceptable video so I created one more showing my unruly penis being put in it’s place:

Unruly penis being put in it’s place

After the third beating my penis was truly hurting and it turned out that I had inflicted a nasty looking bruise on the side of my penis where the ruler punished it. And it also turned out that all three videos were suitable for viewing. When I presented them to Ms Lee and told her of my bruising I expected that she might be sympathetic. I should not have been surprised when she instead just replied that she found the videos hilarious. That was not exactly the response I had been hoping for but I was very happy that she was pleased. After all, her pleasure is all that matters and I am always anxious to find a way to please her.

 

The gift of chastity

February 14, 2016

Today marks the 51st day of chastity I have endured for the pleasure of Ms Lee. The last time she allowed me to release was on Christmas day last year. I never know how long it will please Ms Lee to keep me in chastity, it may depend on some master plan of hers or perhaps it just depends on her mood. I also never know how I will handle each additional day I spend in chastity. Some days I am focused on other things and the day goes by without much frustration. But there are other days (such as today) when I spend just about every moment in desperate frustration, constantly thinking about Ms Lee and wondering how much longer she can expect me to remain obedient and chaste.

Some days (like today) it is extremely difficult to be obedient and keep my hands of Ms Lee’s property. But I remind myself that Ms Lee expects me to be her good, obedient boy and would be extremely disappointed if I gave in to my pigmale desire to play with myself. I know it pleases Ms Lee to have me remain in long term chastity just because it suits her whim and I know she enjoys being able to count on my devout obedience. I consider being able to please her in this manner a gift that I offer up to her and I hope that she feels the same way.

Ms Lee does not often mention my chastity so I don’t really know just how much pleasure she gains from my obedience. She does not pander to my pigmale fantasies so she does not make a habit of teasing me or pretending to be impressed with the length of my chastity. I have to stay focused on the fact that our unique relationship is based on her pleasure, not mine. The idea is not for me to enjoy some male fantasy of submission and discipline. That is not what she wants and I have come to understand that it is not what I truly want or need either. Instead my purpose is to spend every day seeking how best to please and satisfy her. I truly find fulfillment and a sense of satisfaction by pleasuring Ms Lee and this is something much more enduring and significant than the fleeting pleasure of playing with myself.

Thus I consider my continuing chastity to be a gift that benefits me also. I feel good when I please Ms Lee and even if she does not spend a lot of time every day acknowledging my devotion I am secure in the knowledge that my obedience pleases her. During the years I have spent as her property I have come to understand that it pleases her to be able to count on my daily obedience and devotion to her expectations without having to spend a lot of time explaining herself. I am hopeful that my constant obedience and reliability pleases her and I thank her for allowing me to offer her the gift of my continuing chastity.

 

 

Butler and Tea Service

February 10, 2016

As a follow up to my research on Service Oriented Submission Ms Lee directed me to study Butler and Tea service. Most of the information I was able to find on butler service focused on formal English butlers which was appropriate since formal tea service is also frequently associated with the English. Once again I was astonished at how much detail and specialization was involved. It is apparent that a good deal of study and training would be involved in order to become properly proficient at Butler and Tea service. Combined with studying how to provide professional quality massages and pedicures along with learning how to cook, clean, sew and perform housework at the level expected of a 1950’s style housewife I expect my studies will require a level of effort similar to that I devoted to obtaining my master’s degree. And not just for a few years, but for the rest of my life.

I was curious why Ms Lee did not suggest that I study formal maid service since I have frequently fantasized about being a sissy french maid in her service. As I studied formal butler service I found it quite embarrassing to face the concept that a successful professional such as myself with a masters degree would willingly serve as a menial butler, having to adhere to strict protocols and toil endlessly all day long. Fantasizing about being a sissy french maid provided me with a perverted sexual thrill that made it easy and in fact pleasing to think about. However, contemplating being a formal male butler removed the thrill of the fantasy for me and forced me to focus on the service I was to provide to Ms Lee. I had to think about the benefits and pleasure I would be providing to Ms Lee which is the whole point of my devotion to her. I should not be concerned about what I might be getting out of my service, in fact that would only distract me from providing the flawless service that is required from me. During the course of my research I came across a blog by a lifestyle mistress who wanted a butler submissive instead of a sissy maid for the exact same reason.

Recently the number of people who desire to have butlers has increased greatly. In the early to mid 20th century the employment of formal english type butlers had decreased dramatically but during the past few decades their numbers have increased once again as the number of millionaires and billionaires increased markedly. In larger households the butler holds the formal position of head of all the household servants but in smaller households he may be the sole servant. In either case the butler is responsible for being knowledgeable of high social etiquette and protocol regarding every facet of household care and personal service.

I was fascinated to learn that there are a number of world class butler schools in existence such as The British Butler Guild, the Butler Bureau, the British Butler Institute and the Bespoke Bureau. These schools provide training in all areas of butler service including British Etiquette & Accent, Service & Table Management, Silver Service, Housekeeping, Mixology, Professional Cooking, Pastry Chef, Laundry Care, Valet Service, Chauffeur, Flower Design and Gardening, Coffee (and of course Tea!) Service, Shoe Care, Concierge Lifestyle Management and many other special skills required to be a full service servant.

Being a professional butler clearly requires a graduate school level of training and many butlers earn a commensurate salary. They become invaluable members of the household which would collapse without their skills and knowledge. Of course as the Property of Ms Lee I will not be receiving any monetary reward in return for my services. Instead, my compensation will be a sense of satisfaction gained by providing Ms Lee with flawless service and pleasure. My desperate need to please Ms Lee insures that I will work longer and harder than any normal servant, my only rest coming during the short hours that I am allowed to sleep before rising early to begin my toils again.

An example of the level of detail and services involved in being a butler is that provided by a valet. Valet services are just a subset of what a butler is responsible for. A valet is the closest male equivalent to a lady’s maid and is responsible to tend to their master’s every personal need from the moment the master rises from bed till the end of the evening when the master goes to bed. The valet is to always be by their master’s side, ready for instant service whenever the need arises, whether that be dressing after rising from bed or assistance in bathing, particularly in the case of a ‘lady’s maid’. A valet or lady’s maid must be skillful in all aspects of personal service including hair-dressing, dressmaking, packing, arranging the toilets for dinner parties, balls, etc.”

I have to admit that when considering all the aspects of service to Ms Lee I am most attracted to and excited by the idea of being her personal valet. I understand that many of my duties such as cleaning and laundry require working by myself but I thrive on providing pleasure to Ms Lee and strongly desire the positive feedback I would receive from my personal service to her. However the first priority is always Ms Lee’s satisfaction so I will have to get used to the fact that I will spend many hours toiling alone in her service. While doing so I will have to remind myself that I am toiling for her pleasure and my reward is knowing that my service makes her life easier and more pleasant.

In addition to the duties of a valet, a butler is also responsible for everything involved in taking care of the home of their master. This obviously involves all aspects of cleaning the home but also includes maintenance issues, organization of parties and events and anything else that might involve the needs of the master or the master’s home. A butler needs to be highly organized so that he stays on top of everything involved in running the home while keeping an even closer eye on the needs of their master.

Ms Lee also instructed me to research formal tea service since that will be an important part of my service to her. I had initially thought about tea service involving me serving tea to Ms Lee alone but I quickly found that formal tea service frequently involves serving not only my master (Ms Lee) but also a number of her guests. I have to admit that I feel my face turning red as I consider what those groups might involve, from groups of her girl friends to one of her boyfriends or even her husband if one day she was to marry. I am sure her boyfriend or husband would be well aware of the depths of my submission to Ms Lee but I suspect I would be highly embarrassed, wondering whether certain girl friends of her that I was serving tea knew that I was being kept in strict chastity and always wearing panties. It would be even worse if those in the know teased me in the presence of others who were not aware.

One of the first things I learned was that the formal afternoon tea service is actually called low tea, not high tea. High tea refers to tea at dinner while afternoon tea, which is more focused just on the tea service is called low tea because it is served at low coffee tables. A traditional low tea service begins with the delivery of invitations to the guests ahead of time. I’m not sure how often Ms Lee will require formal invitations but when she does that will involve yet another skill that I will have to master since the invitations must be professionally prepared (sometimes handwritten in calligraphy) and delivered with the proper formality. There are also formalities to be observed at the beginning of the tea service, for instance the introduction of a guest of honor.

A proper low tea service also involves a considerable amount of preparation regarding the accessories and the tea itself. Accessories include the teapot, cream and sugar bowls, a pitcher for hot water, a plate for lemon slices, plates for food/snacks, flatware, napkins and anything else required by the guests. The tea to be served is an involved topic all by itself, beyond the scope of this paper. Then there are the formalities and procedures for the preparation and serving of the tea. I was flabbergasted to learn just how involved and painstaking a formal tea service is. For instance, here is the formal way to stir a cup of tea:

STIRRING A CUP OF TEA

Stirring a cup of tea is done gently and noiselessly by moving the teaspoon in a small arch back and forth in the center of the cup.

  • Do not allow the teaspoon to touch the sides or rim of the cup.
  • Remove the spoon and place it on the saucer behind the cup, with the handle of the spoon pointing in the same direction as the handle of the cup.
  • Visualize the face of a clock on the saucer and properly place the handle of the cup and the handle of the spoon at four on the clock.

Every step of formal tea service is just as exacting and requires extensive study and practice in order to carry it out properly. I will obviously be spending a considerable amount of time preparing for my first formal tea party for Ms Lee’s pleasure as I dare not embarrass her with substandard service. I may be posting a future entry focused just on formal tea service in order to give it the proper attention it deserves.

After studying formal butler and tea service for Ms Lee I have developed a deeper appreciation for what it means to be in the service of a wonderful person like Ms Lee. I sincerely want nothing more than to please her in every way and make her proud of the level of dedication my service to her involves. However I am concerned about the extensive effort I will have to commit to in order to become a suitable servant for her. The last thing I want is to become some embarrassing caricature of a sissy maid for her. I believe she assigned me to study butler and tea service so I would understand that she does not desire a male’s fantasy sissy maid. She desires, expects and deserves a true formal servant, a butler, valet, a man servant of whom she can be proud. My goal in life is to please Ms Lee and part of my mission will now clearly involve extensive study and practice in order to become a servant she can be proud of.

I am reminded again that I must focus on Ms Lee’s pleasure and not mine. I must become the servant she desires and not the one I fantasize about. This exercise of studying Butler and Tea service has helped me think this through and realize that neither Ms Lee nor I would be satisfied with my service if it only pandered to my fantasies. She and I will only realize the true fulfillment of my destiny as her devoted servant if I learn how to become a true life servant and stop playing with fantasy.

I have already begun to apply my learnings to my daily life. I am mindful of my ultimate destiny as Ms Lee’s servant as I go about my daily life, particularly when doing anything that involves housework or cooking. I have been more careful to study proper techniques, and more dedicated to doing quality work. I also have to admit that it has been very motivating to think about my present efforts contributing to my being better prepared for one day pleasing Ms Lee with my professional level service.

Ms Lee Considers Marriage

January 28, 2016

Recently Ms Lee has informed me that if someday she were to marry a lucky man my own status would not change. I would still be her property and I would still be required to serve as her personal servant and butler. As her servant I would be responsible for providing her with massages and pedicures, attending to her when she was dressing or bathing and also providing sexual service in whatever manner she required. She also informed me that I would be responsible for recruiting other subs or bulls or even couples for her and her husband to play with. With all these real men at her disposal I suspect that my deprived penis would remain securely locked in chastity whenever I was lucky enough to be allowed to sexually service her (She did inform me that my penis would be in locked chastity at all times).

I have been having a difficult time wrapping my head around the implications of all this. I absolutely support the idea of Ms Lee being happily married, hopefully to a well endowed alpha male who could sexually please her like a real man (something I know I am incapable of doing). But even though Ms Lee has told me I would not have to service her husband sexually I still struggle with the idea that I have to serve him in non-sexual ways. Obviously he would be my superior and I would have to get used to the idea that I would be his servant also, taking care of all domestic matters for him as well as anything else he required that did not involve sexual service.

I find the idea of being the butler and servant of a man who is free to enjoy Ms Lee’s affections in every way quite intimidating. The thought of being required to perform menial tasks for him such as shining his shoes seems very demeaning. Supported with my fantasies about being a sissy maid, it is easy to imagine being Ms Lee’s servant, toiling for her pleasure. But it is a very different matter to consider doing so for another man. I have no homosexual tendencies so I am in no way attracted to other men or turned on by thoughts of serving them. The concept of being required to serve Ms Lee’s husband rips open the reality of my submission to Ms Lee, forcing me to face the raw consequences of willingly being an indentured servant.

The more I think about the implications of being the servant to Ms Lee and her husband the more challenging I find the concept. For instance, with a happily married couple in the house I suspect I would spend a sizable portion of my time toiling alone, working hard to keep up with a busy household with two masters to serve. Keeping Ms Lee satisfied and taking care of all her domestic matters would be challenging enough, but with a real man in the house to also serve I would have to work twice as hard to keep up with everything. I would also have two sets of eyes watching out for any failings on my part so I would have to work harder yet to make sure my services were satisfactory. And instead of being Ms Lee’s sole source of interaction and company I would just be the servant in the background, constantly working hard in the hope that she might briefly turn her attention away from her husband and notice my desperate devotion.

Then last night as I was looking out at the snow I was thinking how nice it would be to curl up with Ms Lee by the fireplace. But it occurred to me that if she were married she would probably more often be curling up with her husband and not me. They would be in love with each other so it would only be natural that romantic events like that would involve the two of them. In a situation like that I’m not sure if it would be harder for me to be excluded or if it would be more difficult to be involved, but as the servant to the two of them. Ms Lee assures me that she would continue to provide me with affection and personal contact. I find this very reassuring but I can’t stop thinking that her affection for me would become more like that one would bestow upon their favorite dog. Her true love would be her real man and husband while I would constantly be begging just to be noticed and hoping that she might rub my head.

All of this just really hammers home the point that I am really nothing other than Ms Lee’s property, required to do whatever she desires. I find this all quite disturbing and the only way I can find to manage it is to remind myself that my responsibility is to always focus on nothing but Ms Lee’s pleasure and satisfaction, with no regard for my own pigmale desires. Our relationship is based on her happiness and satisfaction, enhanced by my willing submission to her and my sacrifices for her pleasure. I must firmly push all thoughts of self gratification out of my mind as they only distract me from my higher purpose in life – Ms Lee’s happiness. I have to acknowledge that this is what I truly desire out of life and I am truly grateful that Ms Lee would consider keeping me as her property in the happy event of her marriage.

My Awesome Christmas presents from Ms Lee

January 3, 2016
For Christmas this year I bought Ms Lee a wonderful spa package so she could indulge in being properly pampered and massaged. For myself, I humbly asked her if I could indulge in my ever growing fetish for pretty lingerie and buy myself a nice babydoll nightie. I told her I would never be so bold as to ask for anything so naughty as being allowed to touch myself or masturbate, but I desperately hoped that once a year she might allow me to pursue my own sexual pleasure in an acceptable manner. I was thrilled when she agreed to let me purchase a nightie. I presented some choices to her and interestingly enough she selected the purple babydoll that was my favorite among the selections.

Ms Lee also surprised me by allowing me to not only wear my babydoll nightie on Christmas Eve and day, but she also gave me permission to enjoy all the pleasurable releases I desired on Christmas. This was an incredibly generous gift from Ms Lee since she very rarely allows me such sexual freedom. I frequently go multiple months without being allowed a release at all and when it does suite her whim to allow me a release I am usually given a small window of time to enjoy it. And even when she does allow me a release it might amuse her to insist that it be a ruined release so that my sexual pleasure is minimized. This might seem harsh, but I have been trained to treasure the rare releases she allows me, in whatever manner pleases Ms Lee most. The strict regime of chastity I endure has bound me quite closely to her, something we both appreciate, and I am thankful that it pleases Me Lee to keep me as her property. Ms Lee also instructed me that I am to always wear my new babydoll nightie whenever she allows me a release. That will certainly insure that I will not feel very manly on those rare occasions when I enjoy a release.

I have included a photo of me wearing my new babydoll nightie. I am embarrassed to admit that I took the time and effort to learn how to properly iron my babydoll since it was wrinkled when it arrived. I have added a link on How to properly iron lingerie to the Service Skills section of my blog since this is a skill that I will need to master.
Babydoll Nightie

I am quite excited about the new year and I am looking forward to working extra hard for the pleasure of Ms Lee. She has been very generous and patient with me and I desperately want to demonstrate my appreciation. I am also quite excited about the lifelong education program I have embarked upon, with the goal of becoming the best possible service submissive devoted to Ms Lee’s pleasure.