Archive for the ‘Humiliation’ Category

My Monthly Release

August 25, 2016

As I mentioned in my previous post, Ms Lee has been kind enough to allow me to release once per month at a time of my choosing. She granted me this generous gift because I have been under so much stress lately and she thought a monthly release would help. I continually remind myself that I must be very thankful to Ms Lee and not assume this will continue forever. Ms Lee seems to enjoy keeping me in chastity for multiple months at a time so I will treasure these monthly releases for as long as it suits Ms Lee’s whim to allow them.

She did however stipulate one condition with my most recent release. She told me to film my masturbation session and post it here on my blog. I find this exceedingly embarrassing and humiliating but I suspect that just pleases Ms Lee all the more. So I must thank Ms Lee for providing me this opportunity to please (or at least amuse) her. Here is the video of my release:

Release

Butler and Tea Service

February 10, 2016

As a follow up to my research on Service Oriented Submission Ms Lee directed me to study Butler and Tea service. Most of the information I was able to find on butler service focused on formal English butlers which was appropriate since formal tea service is also frequently associated with the English. Once again I was astonished at how much detail and specialization was involved. It is apparent that a good deal of study and training would be involved in order to become properly proficient at Butler and Tea service. Combined with studying how to provide professional quality massages and pedicures along with learning how to cook, clean, sew and perform housework at the level expected of a 1950’s style housewife I expect my studies will require a level of effort similar to that I devoted to obtaining my master’s degree. And not just for a few years, but for the rest of my life.

I was curious why Ms Lee did not suggest that I study formal maid service since I have frequently fantasized about being a sissy french maid in her service. As I studied formal butler service I found it quite embarrassing to face the concept that a successful professional such as myself with a masters degree would willingly serve as a menial butler, having to adhere to strict protocols and toil endlessly all day long. Fantasizing about being a sissy french maid provided me with a perverted sexual thrill that made it easy and in fact pleasing to think about. However, contemplating being a formal male butler removed the thrill of the fantasy for me and forced me to focus on the service I was to provide to Ms Lee. I had to think about the benefits and pleasure I would be providing to Ms Lee which is the whole point of my devotion to her. I should not be concerned about what I might be getting out of my service, in fact that would only distract me from providing the flawless service that is required from me. During the course of my research I came across a blog by a lifestyle mistress who wanted a butler submissive instead of a sissy maid for the exact same reason.

Recently the number of people who desire to have butlers has increased greatly. In the early to mid 20th century the employment of formal english type butlers had decreased dramatically but during the past few decades their numbers have increased once again as the number of millionaires and billionaires increased markedly. In larger households the butler holds the formal position of head of all the household servants but in smaller households he may be the sole servant. In either case the butler is responsible for being knowledgeable of high social etiquette and protocol regarding every facet of household care and personal service.

I was fascinated to learn that there are a number of world class butler schools in existence such as The British Butler Guild, the Butler Bureau, the British Butler Institute and the Bespoke Bureau. These schools provide training in all areas of butler service including British Etiquette & Accent, Service & Table Management, Silver Service, Housekeeping, Mixology, Professional Cooking, Pastry Chef, Laundry Care, Valet Service, Chauffeur, Flower Design and Gardening, Coffee (and of course Tea!) Service, Shoe Care, Concierge Lifestyle Management and many other special skills required to be a full service servant.

Being a professional butler clearly requires a graduate school level of training and many butlers earn a commensurate salary. They become invaluable members of the household which would collapse without their skills and knowledge. Of course as the Property of Ms Lee I will not be receiving any monetary reward in return for my services. Instead, my compensation will be a sense of satisfaction gained by providing Ms Lee with flawless service and pleasure. My desperate need to please Ms Lee insures that I will work longer and harder than any normal servant, my only rest coming during the short hours that I am allowed to sleep before rising early to begin my toils again.

An example of the level of detail and services involved in being a butler is that provided by a valet. Valet services are just a subset of what a butler is responsible for. A valet is the closest male equivalent to a lady’s maid and is responsible to tend to their master’s every personal need from the moment the master rises from bed till the end of the evening when the master goes to bed. The valet is to always be by their master’s side, ready for instant service whenever the need arises, whether that be dressing after rising from bed or assistance in bathing, particularly in the case of a ‘lady’s maid’. A valet or lady’s maid must be skillful in all aspects of personal service including hair-dressing, dressmaking, packing, arranging the toilets for dinner parties, balls, etc.”

I have to admit that when considering all the aspects of service to Ms Lee I am most attracted to and excited by the idea of being her personal valet. I understand that many of my duties such as cleaning and laundry require working by myself but I thrive on providing pleasure to Ms Lee and strongly desire the positive feedback I would receive from my personal service to her. However the first priority is always Ms Lee’s satisfaction so I will have to get used to the fact that I will spend many hours toiling alone in her service. While doing so I will have to remind myself that I am toiling for her pleasure and my reward is knowing that my service makes her life easier and more pleasant.

In addition to the duties of a valet, a butler is also responsible for everything involved in taking care of the home of their master. This obviously involves all aspects of cleaning the home but also includes maintenance issues, organization of parties and events and anything else that might involve the needs of the master or the master’s home. A butler needs to be highly organized so that he stays on top of everything involved in running the home while keeping an even closer eye on the needs of their master.

Ms Lee also instructed me to research formal tea service since that will be an important part of my service to her. I had initially thought about tea service involving me serving tea to Ms Lee alone but I quickly found that formal tea service frequently involves serving not only my master (Ms Lee) but also a number of her guests. I have to admit that I feel my face turning red as I consider what those groups might involve, from groups of her girl friends to one of her boyfriends or even her husband if one day she was to marry. I am sure her boyfriend or husband would be well aware of the depths of my submission to Ms Lee but I suspect I would be highly embarrassed, wondering whether certain girl friends of her that I was serving tea knew that I was being kept in strict chastity and always wearing panties. It would be even worse if those in the know teased me in the presence of others who were not aware.

One of the first things I learned was that the formal afternoon tea service is actually called low tea, not high tea. High tea refers to tea at dinner while afternoon tea, which is more focused just on the tea service is called low tea because it is served at low coffee tables. A traditional low tea service begins with the delivery of invitations to the guests ahead of time. I’m not sure how often Ms Lee will require formal invitations but when she does that will involve yet another skill that I will have to master since the invitations must be professionally prepared (sometimes handwritten in calligraphy) and delivered with the proper formality. There are also formalities to be observed at the beginning of the tea service, for instance the introduction of a guest of honor.

A proper low tea service also involves a considerable amount of preparation regarding the accessories and the tea itself. Accessories include the teapot, cream and sugar bowls, a pitcher for hot water, a plate for lemon slices, plates for food/snacks, flatware, napkins and anything else required by the guests. The tea to be served is an involved topic all by itself, beyond the scope of this paper. Then there are the formalities and procedures for the preparation and serving of the tea. I was flabbergasted to learn just how involved and painstaking a formal tea service is. For instance, here is the formal way to stir a cup of tea:

STIRRING A CUP OF TEA

Stirring a cup of tea is done gently and noiselessly by moving the teaspoon in a small arch back and forth in the center of the cup.

  • Do not allow the teaspoon to touch the sides or rim of the cup.
  • Remove the spoon and place it on the saucer behind the cup, with the handle of the spoon pointing in the same direction as the handle of the cup.
  • Visualize the face of a clock on the saucer and properly place the handle of the cup and the handle of the spoon at four on the clock.

Every step of formal tea service is just as exacting and requires extensive study and practice in order to carry it out properly. I will obviously be spending a considerable amount of time preparing for my first formal tea party for Ms Lee’s pleasure as I dare not embarrass her with substandard service. I may be posting a future entry focused just on formal tea service in order to give it the proper attention it deserves.

After studying formal butler and tea service for Ms Lee I have developed a deeper appreciation for what it means to be in the service of a wonderful person like Ms Lee. I sincerely want nothing more than to please her in every way and make her proud of the level of dedication my service to her involves. However I am concerned about the extensive effort I will have to commit to in order to become a suitable servant for her. The last thing I want is to become some embarrassing caricature of a sissy maid for her. I believe she assigned me to study butler and tea service so I would understand that she does not desire a male’s fantasy sissy maid. She desires, expects and deserves a true formal servant, a butler, valet, a man servant of whom she can be proud. My goal in life is to please Ms Lee and part of my mission will now clearly involve extensive study and practice in order to become a servant she can be proud of.

I am reminded again that I must focus on Ms Lee’s pleasure and not mine. I must become the servant she desires and not the one I fantasize about. This exercise of studying Butler and Tea service has helped me think this through and realize that neither Ms Lee nor I would be satisfied with my service if it only pandered to my fantasies. She and I will only realize the true fulfillment of my destiny as her devoted servant if I learn how to become a true life servant and stop playing with fantasy.

I have already begun to apply my learnings to my daily life. I am mindful of my ultimate destiny as Ms Lee’s servant as I go about my daily life, particularly when doing anything that involves housework or cooking. I have been more careful to study proper techniques, and more dedicated to doing quality work. I also have to admit that it has been very motivating to think about my present efforts contributing to my being better prepared for one day pleasing Ms Lee with my professional level service.

Ms Lee Considers Marriage

January 28, 2016

Recently Ms Lee has informed me that if someday she were to marry a lucky man my own status would not change. I would still be her property and I would still be required to serve as her personal servant and butler. As her servant I would be responsible for providing her with massages and pedicures, attending to her when she was dressing or bathing and also providing sexual service in whatever manner she required. She also informed me that I would be responsible for recruiting other subs or bulls or even couples for her and her husband to play with. With all these real men at her disposal I suspect that my deprived penis would remain securely locked in chastity whenever I was lucky enough to be allowed to sexually service her (She did inform me that my penis would be in locked chastity at all times).

I have been having a difficult time wrapping my head around the implications of all this. I absolutely support the idea of Ms Lee being happily married, hopefully to a well endowed alpha male who could sexually please her like a real man (something I know I am incapable of doing). But even though Ms Lee has told me I would not have to service her husband sexually I still struggle with the idea that I have to serve him in non-sexual ways. Obviously he would be my superior and I would have to get used to the idea that I would be his servant also, taking care of all domestic matters for him as well as anything else he required that did not involve sexual service.

I find the idea of being the butler and servant of a man who is free to enjoy Ms Lee’s affections in every way quite intimidating. The thought of being required to perform menial tasks for him such as shining his shoes seems very demeaning. Supported with my fantasies about being a sissy maid, it is easy to imagine being Ms Lee’s servant, toiling for her pleasure. But it is a very different matter to consider doing so for another man. I have no homosexual tendencies so I am in no way attracted to other men or turned on by thoughts of serving them. The concept of being required to serve Ms Lee’s husband rips open the reality of my submission to Ms Lee, forcing me to face the raw consequences of willingly being an indentured servant.

The more I think about the implications of being the servant to Ms Lee and her husband the more challenging I find the concept. For instance, with a happily married couple in the house I suspect I would spend a sizable portion of my time toiling alone, working hard to keep up with a busy household with two masters to serve. Keeping Ms Lee satisfied and taking care of all her domestic matters would be challenging enough, but with a real man in the house to also serve I would have to work twice as hard to keep up with everything. I would also have two sets of eyes watching out for any failings on my part so I would have to work harder yet to make sure my services were satisfactory. And instead of being Ms Lee’s sole source of interaction and company I would just be the servant in the background, constantly working hard in the hope that she might briefly turn her attention away from her husband and notice my desperate devotion.

Then last night as I was looking out at the snow I was thinking how nice it would be to curl up with Ms Lee by the fireplace. But it occurred to me that if she were married she would probably more often be curling up with her husband and not me. They would be in love with each other so it would only be natural that romantic events like that would involve the two of them. In a situation like that I’m not sure if it would be harder for me to be excluded or if it would be more difficult to be involved, but as the servant to the two of them. Ms Lee assures me that she would continue to provide me with affection and personal contact. I find this very reassuring but I can’t stop thinking that her affection for me would become more like that one would bestow upon their favorite dog. Her true love would be her real man and husband while I would constantly be begging just to be noticed and hoping that she might rub my head.

All of this just really hammers home the point that I am really nothing other than Ms Lee’s property, required to do whatever she desires. I find this all quite disturbing and the only way I can find to manage it is to remind myself that my responsibility is to always focus on nothing but Ms Lee’s pleasure and satisfaction, with no regard for my own pigmale desires. Our relationship is based on her happiness and satisfaction, enhanced by my willing submission to her and my sacrifices for her pleasure. I must firmly push all thoughts of self gratification out of my mind as they only distract me from my higher purpose in life – Ms Lee’s happiness. I have to acknowledge that this is what I truly desire out of life and I am truly grateful that Ms Lee would consider keeping me as her property in the happy event of her marriage.

Shaved again

July 7, 2015

I mentioned in my previous blog entry that Ms Lee’s expects me to always keep the area around my panties smooth and free of any unsightly fur. I have been working very hard to maintain a hair free appearance in this area but now Ms Lee has expanded the area where she expects this grooming to occur. In response to a recent photo of my panties that I sent to her she told me that there was some fur on my left leg that distracted from my prettiness. She then told me to correct this situation, asking me if I didn’t want to be her pretty girly boy.

I saw that there was indeed some fur on my left leg an inch or two below the edge of my panties. I was deeply disappointed with myself for offending Ms Lee with my unsightly fur again so I promptly shaved a large area on the front top portion of both legs so that no hair was visible anywhere near my panties. I sent a new photo to Ms Lee apologizing for my failure. I also assured her that I did indeed want to be her pretty girly boy even though it deeply embarrassed me to say so. I am beginning to feel like quite a sissy, wearing nothing but panties and not allowed to even touch myself without her permission. My embarrassment about being a sissy had recently been reinforced by a comment I had received concerning how I look wearing my panties:
requesting-feedback-regarding-my-panties

I was shocked when I received a response from Ms Lee informing me that I had addressed the wrong area. She had been referring to the fur that was visible on the outside of my left leg, not on the front. I had aggressively shaved the entirely wrong area for nothing! I could only hope that it amused Ms Lee that I had done so. I then shaved the outsides of both legs and sent her the attached new photo of my well shaved legs.
Shaved again

I was greatly relieved when Ms Lee informed me that she was pleased with the results of my shaving, saying that I looked much nicer. I do try very hard to look pretty for Ms Lee but I still struggle with the embarrassment I feel about being a sissy.

It just occurred to me that I forgot to mention that I had sent the initial photo I mentioned to Ms Lee as I was begging her for permission to touch myself (it had been a week since I had last touched myself). Although she did give me permission once I was properly groomed I realize that I had been much more concerned about offending her with my unsightly fur and making sure that she was pleased with my attempt to correct the situation. Obtaining permission to touch myself was an insignificant matter in comparison, as it should be.

Requesting feedback regarding my panties

June 20, 2015

Anyone who browses through this blog will learn that Ms Lee enjoys having me wear panties instead of male underwear. As she expects, I now wear nothing but panties, 24×7. Male underwear is strictly prohibited. During my years as her property I have built up an extensive collection of silky & lacy panties, probably more than most women.

Keeping me in panties provides Ms Lee with a number of benefits. For starters, it still embarrasses me to no end, which greatly amuses Ms Lee. I have learned the hard way that it pleases her immensely to see me embarrassed in a number of ways and panty wearing is one of her favorites. Wearing panties also puts me in an intensely submissive state of mind, making me putty in her hands. Being kept in panties also provides her with the opportunity to embarrass me further as she requires that absolutely no pubic hair be visible. This is particularly challenging as some of my panties are quite skimpy. I spend a considerable amount of time & effort shaving the area around my panties as I desperately want to please Ms Lee and I fear the punishments she will administer if I fail to keep myself properly presentable.

Probably one of the most significant benefits Ms Lee enjoys by having me in panties is the merciless teasing that my deprived penis suffers as a result. After weeks of abiding by Ms Lee’s no touching rule I am desperate for any sort of sexual stimulation and the sensation of my penis straining under my silky panties drives me mad. The inhuman frustration I endure as a result of this teasing drives me even further into submission but I suspect Ms Lee just plain enjoys knowing that I am hopelessly frustrated and desperate.

Those who are interested in reading more about my panty wearing are encouraged to check out the dozens of postings under the Panty and Panty Washing categories. But at this time I would like to request, no – make that beg, for feedback regarding how I look wearing the panties in the photo below (these are the panties I am wearing today). Please provide any feedback at all, positive, negative or indifferent. I would also be interested in any suggestions on how I could better please Ms Lee with my panty wearing.
My purple panties

Dressing up for Ms Lee

November 4, 2012

Some of the panties that I wear for Ms Lee came with garters attached. I am always concerned that someone might notice the bulges caused by the snaps at the end of the garters that are designed to hold up stockings. I find it quite embarrassing to wear panties with garters and I am always fussing with them.  During a recent conversation with Ms Lee I admitted that constantly playing with the garters had caused me to  wonder what it would be like to wear stockings. Ms Lee immediately told me to purchase some stockings and try them out.

This of course led to further embarrassment for me as I went shopping for appropriate stockings. I was wearing a pair of panties with garters attached as I was shopping and I was terribly concerned that the sales ladies might notice the garters under my pants. The garters do not show too obviously through my thick pants, but I am always extremely self conscious when I am wearing them in public.

When I got home with my new stockings I discovered just how much trouble and hassle it is to attach stockings to garters. I can’t believe that women would go to all that trouble just to impress men and my deprived penis kept straining against my chastity sleeve as I pondered the fact that it was now I who was struggling quite significantly, concerned about making sure my appearance would be pleasing to Ms Lee. I have to admit that I was very happy and flattered when Ms Lee told me that my new stockings looked nice.

Shortly after purchasing my new stockings I was chatting to Ms Lee about my experiences with them when she shocked me by mentioning that I should wear a girdle with them to hold my stomach in. I do have a bit of a belly and I had to agree when she said that if I liked looking pretty then I should wear something to hold my stomach in so I would look better. Her comment about looking pretty then caused me to ask if I could try a corset instead. I have always loved the way a women looks when squeezed into a lovely corset and I found myself wondering what I would look like wearing one. Ms Lee kindly allowed that I could try a corset as long as it did a proper job of holding my stomach in.

As we discussed the idea of me trying a corset Ms Lee told me that I should purchase a white corset to match the white stockings I had purchased. She also told me that she wanted me to purchase a pretty pink corset rimmed with black. This of course meant more embarrassing shopping trips as I made the additional purchases that Ms Lee required. I then discovered that wearing a corset was even more challenging than stockings, but I had to admit that I was thrilled when Ms Lee approved of my modified appearance.

I was further mortified when Ms Lee told me that I should keep myself shaved from the groin down since she did not like the look of hairy legs under stockings. Once again I had to admit that she was correct and I proceeded to shave myself as she expected, including my cock, balls and all around my rear. This was probaly much more trouble than a woman goes through when shaving her legs, but Ms Lee has exacting standards for me and I would not dare disappoint her.

I have been mentally struggling with the reality that I am sexually excited when dressing up in my pretty new things. I was concerned that I was responding to stockings and corsets like a girl might but Ms Lee put me at ease, telling me that I was reacting just like someone who is surprised to learn something about himself that he didn’t know before. She told me that just like it was with panties I would soon learn to enjoy wearing stockings and corsets. She tells me that this does not mean I am a sissy, but I continue to be embarrassed by how much I truly enjoy wearing pretty things for Ms Lee.

Below are a few photos I took of myself wearing my new pink corset with black trim and stockings (over my freshly shaved legs). If my readers enjoy these photos I might include some shots of my white corset in a future post.

My shrinking penis

August 31, 2012

Ms Lee seems to enjoy having my chastity chains severely tight. As I mentioned in a previous posting, she had me shorten them by a link each to correct me for having an unauthorized release. Initially this was to be for a period of a single week, but that was extended for another week when I asked if it would please her to extend my correction. This cycle was repeated until finally she told me that I should just extend my punishment thru the rest of the summer.

As Labor Day approached I sent her an email describing the torments that my tightened chastity chains had inflicted on me. Here is a copy of that email:

The last time I begged you to allow me to please you by extending the time I wear my tightened chastity chains you told me to do so until the end of summer. As the end of September approaches I realize that I am not sure if you consider Labor Day the end of summer, or September 21. Regardless, I am now on my knees begging you to allow me to continue enduring my viciously tightened chastity chains until the official end of summer on September 21.

Please do not grant my request unless it will please (or amuse) you. Although I have to admit that I am perversely excited by the pain of the tightened chains I can assure you that I am not enjoying my predicament. Although I have done my best not to complain to you, I am actually enduring a considerable amount of suffering. I have gladly done so because i desperately desire to please you and I am hopeful that I can continue to do so.

Below is a list of the various ways my tightened chastity chains are affecting me. Please understand that I am not complaining in any way or asking for leniency. I just want to make sure that you are aware of the full extent of what I am enduring in the hope that you might derive more pleasure from my situation.

– My penis is constantly crushed by my tightened chastity chains

– I have to sit down and pee like a girl because the chains are so tight that my pee continues to dribble out for a few minutes after I urinate

– By the end of each day my punished penis is raw and red

– At times my tightly chastised penis feels like it is being burned, I feel an intense stinging that will not quickly go away. When this happens I endure the pain by thinking about your pleasure

– Erections hurt even after I remove the chains at bedtime. The deep impressions inflicted on my poor penis continue to cause pain as if the chains were still in place

– I realize that the viciously tight chastity chains are conditioning me to prefer anal pleasure since any attempts to enjoy an erection are instantly corrected by the bite of the viciously tight chastity chains

– When my tightly chastised penis does attempt an erection it is barely able to achieve 4 inches in length. And of course it is restricted to less than an inch in thickness. This is quite humiliating and I am really beginning to wonder if my extended, severe chastity might actually be causing my inadequate penis to become even smaller than it already is

Once again I am on my knees begging you to allow me to continue enduring my tightened chastity chains. I sincerely hope it will bring you some pleasure and perhaps bring a smile to your lovely face.

In my 67th day of chastity for your pleasure,
my 67th day of enduring my shortened chastity chains,
135 days since my last pleasurable release,
and wearing my black lace panties with pink trim today

Although I would have gladly continued enduring my tightened chastity to please Ms Lee I was relieved when she told me that it would not be necessary to extend my punishment beyond Labor Day. That night as I removed my chastity chains before going to sleep I discovered that the effects of my viciously tightened chastity would continue. Here is the message I sent Ms Lee the next morning concerning this:

I hope your toes were curling in your sleep this morning as I thought about pleasing you with a long, sensuous foot massage. I would caress your lovely feet and rub each individual toe, kissing them as I moved on to the next. Before I started I would light an oil warmer so I could rub the warmth into your feet. I would also have candles lit and some of your favorite music playing to help you relax and enjoy the pampering. I would set out some plants and light some incense if you liked. I would always be trying to think of small new ways to maximize your pleasure.

I do hope you have a lovely morning and a wonderful day today.

I was also thinking of you last night after I removed my chastity chains as my desperate penis became painfully erect. I’m not sure if it got excited as a result of my touching it as I removed the chains or if it was the anticipation of the loosening of the chains (perhaps both). As I watched my penis becoming erect I once again thought it looked smaller than in the past. I was shocked when I took a ruler and laid it against my penis to check. As you can see in the attached photos, my erect penis is now less than 5 inches long! When I measured it a couple of years ago when I first fashioned my chastity sleeve I remember that it was a full 6 inches long. I can only assume that wearing my severely tightened chastity for so long has reduced the length of my already inadequate penis.

Even 6 inches is nothing to brag about, but it is incredibly humiliating to realize that my penis has shrunk so much smaller. Do you think it might get longer again once my chastity chains are loosened? I can’t imagine that adding back a single link to only four of my chains is going to restore a full inch back to my shrunken penis. I hope that in time I regain some of my lost length. But if it turns out that my penis has been permanently shrunk I sincerely hope that it provides you with some pleasure and satisfaction, or at least some amusement.

Videos for Ms Lee

August 22, 2012

Recently I made a short video for Ms Lee that displayed myself using my anal dildo. I got quite worked up during the video, shaking and even quivering as I experienced a dry orgasm. Me Lee seemed to enjoy the video, but then surprised me by saying that she wanted to have me post the video on public viewing sites like Xtube. She also expected me to make more videos to post.

I was shocked that I was going to be exposed in this manner and was even more shocked at the results when I put the video online. Thousands of people soon viewed my video and sent me comments. It was obvious that gay or bi guys were my primary audience and that they were frequently masturbating while watching me ravage my rear with my vibrating dildo. I felt like I had been reduced to becoming a piece of pornography that was freely available for anyone to take advantage of.

When Ms Lee viewed my first video she commented that I should ‘get a bigger one’, meaning a bigger dildo. I went shopping for one, but could not find any larger anal dildos. I was humiliated when I realized that I had no choice but to purchase a large woman’s vibrating dildo. I then created a second video for Ms Lee that shows me pleasuring myself with my ‘bigger tool’.

It is now over four months since Ms Lee last allowed me to enjoy a normal, pleasurable release. I am beginning to suspect that she expects me to live without pleasurable pigmale releases and to learn how to fully enjoy the anal pleasures that she allows me. I am very glad that she allows me to freely use my anal dildo since it appears that my penis is no longer a source of pleasure for me.

Here is the link to my first video : Dry orgasm while shaking and quivering

and here is the link to my second one : A bigger tool – quivering to another dry anal orgasm

I am always anxious to please Ms Lee, so please let me know if you have any suggestions for additional videos.

Another pair of new panties

November 7, 2011

The marks on my rear were still quite visible the next time I went to New York City and went shopping at Macy’s for another pair of panties, as Ms Lee expected. Once again I endured an extremely embarrasing situation which I duly reported:

Attached are some photos I just took, wearing my new pink panties from Macy’s. Once again I was extremely nervous as I asked one of the helpful sales ladies to help me pick out a pair of pink, feminine panties in my size. I think my face was as pink as the panties I eventually purchased.

And once again I noticed a smile or a smirk as the sales lady sized me up and helped me look through a selection in pink. Once in a while she would hold up a pair and ask me with a sly smile if they were feminine enough for me. Thankfully she did not hold them up to me as she asked!

When she showed me the pair I am now wearing I could feel my heart begin to race. I could also feel my deprived penis strain against my sleeve as I examined the triangular shaped panel in the rear with the oval cutout. I assured the sales lady that this pair was certainly feminine enough for me.

I can feel my penis straining again right now within these pink panties. I am SO desperate at this point that I am afraid it will be straining all day. And it is so frustrating to be wearing such feminine panties! Every time I feel my penis strain I imagine your hand holding and restraining my penis, touching it as I am not allowed to.

In my 7th day of chastity for your pleasure,
and 25 days since my last pleasurable release

Wearing garters

November 2, 2011

On my very next trip to New York City I stopped by Macy’s on my way home to shop for my newest pair of panties. It was quite a humiliating shopping trip as I explained to Ms Lee:

I was quite excited and nervous as I went on my shopping trip last night. When I asked the saleslady to help me pick out a pair of feminine panties in my size I thought I was going to die of embarrassment. What made it worse was that although she gave me a knowing smirk, she then proceeded as if nothing was out of the ordinary. At first I wanted to believe that she thought I was just buying the panties for someone else, but since I had asked for ‘my size’ I’m sure she knew I was buying for myself.

She had me follow her about as she walked down the asiles looking for something suitable. When she held up the red panties with the garters I could feel my face turning red. She told me that the panties were quite frilly and feminine with a lacy sort of skirt that covered the thong underneath. When I mentioned that I wasn’t looking for panties with garters she smiled and assured me that they were removable.

Attached are some photos of myself wearing my new panties. As I was putting them on I could feel my penis strain like mad against my chastity sleeve. The panties are so soft and silky that the feel of them drives me mad. The addition of the skirt along with the garters makes me feel so humiliated, but perversely that just makes my penis strain even harder.

What should I do about the garters? I remember a while back that you did not want me to wear a garter belt, but I don’t want to remove them without your permission, since these are what the saleslady picked out for me.

In my 13th day of chastity for your pleasure

I was certain that Ms Lee would prohibit me from wearing the garters. She had made it clear that she enjoyed the humiliaiton I experienced from wearing panties, but did not wish to see me become overly feminized. I was surprised at the response I then received:

Ha ha ha!  That is the funniest thing I’ve seen all week!  Oh, thank you for that entertainment.  Love these! 
Keep everything on…including the garters.  Looks lovely.