I have only recently become aware of the term “service oriented submission” but the more I learn about it the more I realize that it perfectly describes the type of submissive I am. Whenever I fantasize about or express my submissive tendencies I find myself drawn to thoughts of serving and pleasing my dominant partner. I have come to realize that my desire to please another is stronger than my desire to satisfy my own need for gratification. Even when I feel a desire to experience a submissive experience such as being disciplined or embarrassed I find myself needing my submission to please another in order for me to feel fulfilled. It was only when I became aware of the concept of service oriented submission that I fully realized how my need to please another drives my need for submission.
I have come across a variety of definitions of service oriented submission, for instance “A person who enjoys performing a service in a sexual or BDSM environment.”. It has also been described as “A person who derives pleasure and enjoyment from performing acts of service for another person.” I think a better description is provided by Ms. Rika, author of Uniquely Rita who says “A service-oriented dynamic is Dominant-centric. It’s not focused on what is done TO the sub, but rather on what the sub does FOR the Dominant.” She goes on to explain “Obviously, the biggest differences are that the commitment to serve is not time-bound and the activities are more oriented to service than to fetish. This is not to say fetishtic and BDSM activities do not take place, but they are not predicated by the nature of the D/s agreement.”
As Ms Rita suggested, sexual service devoted to pleasing the dominant is just a part of the overall service provided. It is provided in order to complete the overall level of service but it is not the primary focus. In fact the submissive must use careful judgement and only initiate sexual service when it is clear that the dominant desires or is in the mood for sexual service. The goal is to please the dominant and make their life complete, sexual activity is only included when appropriate to make the dominant’s pleasurable life complete.
It is equally important that the submissive never expect any sexual gratification in reward for their service. The only reward the submissive expects and deserves is the pleasure and satisfaction that the dominant receives from the service provided. A smile or expression of pleasure from the dominant is the ultimate reward that the submissive seeks.
This is not to say that sexuality does not play a significant role in service oriented submission, the point is just that it is not the core concept. Service to the dominant is the core concept but sexuality can significantly enhance the experience for both the dominant and the submissive. For the dominant, sex play can become solely oriented on their own pleasure and satisfaction with no need to pander to the submissive’s sexual desires. The dominant can relax and concentrate on enjoying their own sexual pleasure without having to worry about satisfying someone else’s needs.
Sexual expression for a service oriented submissive is quite different and from my perspective serves two significant purposes. The first involves chastity and denial of sexual pleasure for the submissive. The purpose of chastity is to bind the submissive to the dominant, making the submissive dependent on the dominant for any opportunities of enjoying sexual pleasure. Being kept in prolonged chastity and denial will certainly focus the submissive on the desires of their dominant partner. I am aware that being kept in chastity, with no knowledge of when I might be allowed a release is a major motivator for me to provide excellent service.
The second purpose a service oriented submissive’s sexual expression serves is to provide a source of power and amusement to the dominant, allowing them to own the sexuality of the submissive for their own gratification. It naturally follows that the submissive would never expect or request their own sexual pleasure. Sex for the submissive revolves solely around the pleasure of the dominant. Whenever the submissive feels a sexual urge they will express it by taking action to sexually please the dominant, but only if they are certain the dominant is in the mood for sexual play.
I found Ms Rita’s explanation quite enlightening and it helped me understand that devotion to service is the primary driver for a service oriented submissive. Service oriented submission goes far beyond the usual sexual d&s relationship. It absolutely includes non-sexual service devoted to a dominant without necessarily including traditional d&s trappings. A service oriented submissive will tend to household chores and other tasks that benefit the dominant without requiring any sexual overtones or direct supervision from the dominant. The service oriented submissive is devoted full time to the service of the dominant.
It is important to note that service oriented submission is not just a one way relationship. One submissive expressed this aspect of service oriented submission very well when they said “I am not offering a free service. I am offering service with care and devotion. In order for me to care about your task to the fullest of my ability, you need to care about me.”
A BDSM fetish that is not absolutely required as part of service oriented submission is physical discipline. Some submissives (and dominants) have a deep need for physical discipline such as spanking and caning but others may have no need or desire for it. I know that have a fetish/kink for being disciplined and that I would be better motivated and fulfilled if my service involved the knowledge that I would be punished for the smallest shortcomings. And perversely, I would also be motivated if I knew I would receive a “reward punishment” for good service.
As I think about how I envision myself in an ideal service oriented submissive role I find myself drawn to the stereotype of a 50’s era housewife, whose life is devoted solely to the gratification and pleasure of her dominant spouse. While many people today are repulsed by the degradation of women that routinely occurred in those situations I can see how a suitably submissive ‘wife’ could find fulfillment in devoting herself without reservation to the service of her spouse. I can understand how a typical 50’s era ‘wife’ appreciated the submissive joy of focusing on nothing but the pleasure and satisfaction of their spouse and gladly assumed responsibility for all the household chores. the 50’s era ‘wife’ would wake early every day, long before her spouse and happily toil away knowing that her reward at the end of the day would be a sense of accomplishment, having completed her household chores.
I think it was this revelation about how a typical 50’s era housewife could find happy fulfillment in her role as a submissive spouse that made me realize that I was what I now know is called a service oriented submissive. I find genuine pleasure and satisfaction in completing the household chores that I have found myself responsible for. I feel quite natural in the role of a ‘housewife’ taking care of my home and knowing that I am a service oriented submissive will help me find fulfillment in my life.
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